Trust and "Living as a Temple"

Hey guys!

Well, it's about that time of the year: spring time. And it seems that when the sun comes out, love is in the air. In the past couple of weeks since I've been back from spring break, and even maybe the week before then, couples have been popping up here and there.

You probably know where I'm going with this. I'm going to be completely open and honest here about what's been going on with me and what I've been thinking lately. So, hang on tight!

Yes, I am single, and yes, it is a struggle to be single sometimes. At first, when I heard about some people I cared about getting into relationships, I was genuinely happy for them. You know, being in a relationship is a great big step in life, and it's exciting and fun and adorable. 

But you know, after a few weeks or more of hearing about a few new couples getting together, that genuine joy for them begins to fade. You smile when you hear the news, but inside, you begin to think, "Wow, everyone I know is getting in a relationship. I suddenly have this pressure that I need to be in one too."

And then after thinking those thoughts, I knew that I really didn't need to have that pressure and that being single isn't bad. I know this. In fact, a part of me really isn't ready to open myself up to that just yet. So instead of moping around because I didn't have a significant other, I began to question exactly why I didn't. I began to criticize who I was: my personality, my outer appearance, my talents, my interests, my everything. I played the "Comparison Game" once again, and most of the time, whenever you play this game, you lose. 

So yesterday after work, I was crying in my room, feeling just ugly, unlovable, not good enough. I questioned my worth and who I was and if there was something wrong with me that other people could see that I couldn't. And while I was sulking in all these feelings, my mom called unexpectedly.

And as a girl, I told my mom what I was feeling, how I really just didn't want to be on campus anymore with everyone walking around in pairs and how it was all just really hard. My mom gave me some advice, telling me not to think about it, but of course, that all is easier said than done. 

I continued to lie in bed crying, when I noticed my His Princess Warrior book sitting in the corner next to my alarm clock. Now, I know, this sounds like one of those cheesy, Christian encouragement books, but I'm not joking, almost every single time I pick that book up and read the pages where my bookmark was placed last, the topic is always something I'm struggling with and the encouragement is just what I need. That's a total God thing, and I know it. Only the Holy Spirit could move me to pick that book up and feel as if I could get some help from it.

Of course, it isn't the Bible, but the fact that they are "letters from God" (written by Sheri Rose Shepherd, of course, and based on what Scriptures say themselves) that are to strengthen me in my daily walk is such an encouragement. Anyways, it was called "The Trust Factor," and this is what it said:

My Princess Warrior,

It's time, My Warrior, to surrender your fears, your insecurities, your pain, and your loved ones completely to Me. 

I want your whole heart and mind and soul to be worry free. I want your complete trust so you can focus on your faith and be free from the spirit of fear controlling you. Give up the fight of trying to figure it all out. Don't let your circumstances hold your heart hostage or cause you to lose your confidence in Me.

I am asking you on this day to answer this one question: In whom do you place your trust?

Love,
Your trustworthy King


That right there encouraged me so so much. The peace of God just swept over me. 

The last line of the letter is in bold because that question completely struck my heart. Who was I placing my trust in? Honestly, I was placing it in other people's opinions and thoughts. I was concerned about what the world thought of me, and I placed my value in that. And that is totally not what I'm supposed to be doing!!

Even though this letter really touched my heart, that doesn't mean my struggle of being single went away automatically. But to be reminded that I can place my trust in the Lord of the universe was just too amazing for words.

And the verses that were given for this letter? Ahhh, so perfect:

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised." ~ Hebrews 10:35-36 (NLT)

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and no grow weary. They will walk and not faint." ~ Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)

God's truth and promises laid out in Scripture! Such a beautiful thing!!!

Now fast-forward to today...

This morning, there was a women's event called "Living as a Temple: Self-Compassion, Body Image, and Imago Dei" that all women of Covenant College and even the Lookout Mountain community were invited too. I knew this was going to be an encouraging event, but I felt that I would hear the same basic things I was always told: 

"You're fearfully and wonderfully made!" 

"God made you like no one else on this earth! You are made in His image!"

"Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, therefore we need to take care of them and respect them! Here are some tips..."

And while Kellie Currin (the speaker), did touch on these things, she focused a lot on self-compassion instead of self-esteem. Self-compassion is giving yourself grace because you know that you're not perfect and never will be. You aren't so hard on yourself for the mistakes you make, but rely on the sacrifice Jesus made to cover those sins and flaws you have. Yes, when we sin, we are to bring it before the Lord in repentance, but we don't have to punish ourselves so severely and wallow in guilt-ridden feelings all the time. We are FREE IN CHRIST! When we allow ourselves grace for being imperfect people and learn to love and respect ourselves, we can then show that same love and respect and compassion to others. 

Something that Kellie said that I loved was that when we think about all of the negative thoughts about ourselves (i.e. Your ugly. You're not worth it. You're so stupid.), we would never tell someone else we knew those things. So, if we wouldn't tell our friend or anyone else that they're ugly, not worth it, or stupid, why do we say those things about ourselves?

I wish I'd had my journal with me to take notes during the event, but alas, I didn't! But I truly got so much more from that than I thought I was going to. There was also an amazing video of a spoken word by two women listing our fears and doubts and reminding us of God's unconditional love. It was on a blog called "A Holy Experience." I encourage y'all to check it out! I think it was called something like, "This Is Us: The #EstherGeneration".

Afterwards, we all broke off into smaller groups and discussed what we learned and what struck us the most. Our group actually got past the issues of body image and touched on deeper, more vulnerable topics. But I was so at peace and amazed how a group of girls, who sort of knew each other, could just be open about what they were struggling with and ask for prayer for those things. 

It really opened my eyes to the fact that, even though some people look like they have it all together on the outside, on the inside they could be hurting so much. And now, I am so motivated to continue to pray for all the women on our campus (and even my campus as a whole!) because everyone has gone through different things and is still going through things. 

My heart right now is at peace, encouraged by the truth that was spoken to me through the event and through Scripture and my fellow sisters-in-Christ. I know this doesn't mean that I'll never have the struggle of being single again. It will come up again eventually. But I need to remember who I place my trust in. 

Not the people around me. Not this world. But my Savior, Jesus Christ, who smiles on me and sees me for who I am: His beautiful daughter. 

And seeing myself as that allows me to say that it's okay that I'm single. I can be single and still see myself as beautiful, and that doesn't necessarily mean that everyone around me thinks there's something wrong with me. I can be confident in who I am because I know Whose I am! 

I can use this time of singleness to focus more on living for God. Not saying that I can't do that when I have a relationship, but it's more difficult to focus on anything but that once I am. So, I'm praying that I see this time as a positive thing!

And I can also trust that God has a plan for my life, whether that's being single & content with that or eventually getting married, and that it will be so very good and more than I could possibly imagine! And that's EXCITING!!!!

And all of you who belong to Christ: you are all beautiful, wonderful creations of His! You are made in His image! :) Don't forget Whose you are and the freedom you have because of it!

I hope y'all's weekend is going great! I'm taking a little time to write this, but then I have to get started on this homework. I have a creative writing assignment (cause, I mean, when do I not?) and Bria and I have a Doctrine 2 test on Monday! :P If you think of us at all this weekend, please pray that that goes well for us!

And speaking of my best friend Bria, she went to the women's event this morning too and wrote a blog post about it as well! She's got such great reflections on what she got out of it, so definitely check out her post on it HERE: http://bria1320.wordpress.com/2014/03/29/finding-our-worth/

Also, I just wanted to clarify that I told y'all about my struggles, not to get sympathy from you, but to express that I'm still human and still going through this journey called life, and that while I'm writing to y'all about serving the Lord and trusting in Him, I definitely don't have it all figured out, and won't until the day I am made perfect in Him! Please just continue to pray for me as I go through my daily walk! Your prayers are so so appreciated!!! 

Love you all! Praying that your weekend is filled with fun and rest! Know that you are not alone in your struggle! The Lord stands by you! And what a comfort that is!

#luvya!
~ Mishy (^^) <3

Beautiful Brokenness with a Side of Humble Pie

Oh my goodness. 

Well, remember when I said that if all of those plans I had for my next post went down the drain, you could look forward to another Sweet Tea post? Well, that plan went down the drain too. :P It's been ONE WHOLE MONTH since my last post! And that's just crazy to me!

I received an email this past week from one of my readers (thank you so much for that by the way! :) Shout-out to you!!! ), and it has motivated me to write again! Not that I was gonna stop writing in the first place, but you know what I mean...

God has already been teaching me SO MUCH during these first couple of months of my sophomore year. When I step back and look at my life or when someone makes a comment about what's been happening, not just in my life but in theirs and others around us,  it's crazy how we can see God's hand in everything. 

So, let's see how much important stuff I can crunch into this one post. I'll begin with this:

A few weeks ago on a Wednesday (Day of Prayer, actually) I had my breaking point.

It felt like every single thing that had been weighing me down, stressing me out, and worrying me had finally pulled me into this hole and I was completely shattered and broken. I tried to hold it all together like I had for the past couple of weeks, smiling at everyone and giving hugs. I definitely meant the hugs. But the smile was only half-hearted.

And it wasn't just outside forces that were causing this either. I had caused some of my own pain by hurting other people, and I knew it was wrong. I was so disgusted at myself for doing the things I'd done, and couldn't believe how much pain I'd caused to people I'd said I loved. 

So there I sat next to my friend, crying my eyes out onto her shoulder. I really dislike crying in front of people. I try to avoid it as much as possible. But this time, the tears couldn't be held back any longer.

As I cried, I silently prayed to God, "I surrender. I am done with all of this drama, this constant cloud of stress and worry about almost everything, and even more with myself for what I've done. Please just take it all away. Let Your will be done, and not mine. And just give me peace and joy through all of this. Let me know that You are there."

After maybe ten minutes of straight crying and my friend hugging me and telling me that I was loved, she invited me to a student-led worship event that was happening that night. I nodded my head and told her I'd think about coming, but to be honest, my mind was already sort of settled on not going.

But as I walked back to my room, I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me to go. I wrestled with the thought for a bit, but after finding out that some of my friends and girls on my hall were going, I decided to go.

And oh. My. Goodness. I am SO GLAD I went. 

As I stood with my fellow peers, the first notes of "How He Loves" began playing. And as we started singing, the tears came back and couldn't be stopped, again. My brokenness hurt so much. I felt such a weight in my chest...

...but at the same time...

...I could just feel the Holy Spirit overwhelm my soul. And I was so HUMBLEd as I was reminded of how big God's love is for me. And how He loved me, even when I messed up. It was such an incredible feeling, I can't even put it into words.

It wasn't until later, though, that my friend Ellie (who is the new PFM! Check out the update on the "People Frequently Mentioned" tab!) helped me realize the significance of that Wednesday. I mean, I knew for myself that there was a MAJOR DIFFERENCE in my attitude and air on Wednesday and my attitude and air on Thursday. I woke up Thursday morning, threw on a cute outfit, and went to breakfast happier than I'd been in the past couple of weeks! I waved to a friend of mine, and even he said, "I'm glad you're back to your perky self again!"

I can't tell you how amazing I felt. I thank God so, So, SO, SO much for giving me joy and peace again! Everything wasn't resolved, but I had so much peace. And it took God taking me to such a broken state of being to remember that He is faithful and that He cared for me so much. I was just so HUMBLEd.

Okay, so throughout the next few weeks, I was feeling better. In one chapel I was reminded of how God has chosen me to be a child of His. I did NOTHING to become a Christian, but He chose me out of darkness. And just remembering that HUMBLEd me so much again. 

But then, you can't always have perfect days. And even on "perfect" days, there might be a thing or two that didn't go as planned. 

So anyway, I began to feel very insecure about myself. I know that God made me "fearfully and wonderfully made," and I know that everyone is attracted to different types of people. But I just felt really discouraged because I felt like I wasn't attractive enough for anyone to find me beautiful or worthy to be loved. I was always the "cute and adorable Blasian or little sister" or something like that (which, by the way, a totally awesome compliment! I'd just heard it so many times that the value of it began to decrease). 

And so, I struggled with my insecurities for a week or so. It was so easy to be positive about other people, but so hard for me to be positive about myself. My friends (girls and guys) say I am way too hard on myself and that I don't give myself enough credit.

One night as a guy friend and I sat overlooking the city lights below, I explained my latest struggle. He is such a wise person and a great listener, so it was easy to pour out my heart to him. And after I was finished, he reassured me that God made me special the way I am and that He has a plan for my life that is going to be just amazing. God used him so well that night, and I am so grateful!

After praying together, my friend told me this in a half-joking way: "Well, Mishy, now when you begin to struggle with insecurity again, you just come to this spot and, do you see those three lights back there? You just look at those, and remember our talk." And honestly, even though he was kidding, I took his advice seriously, and expressed that I would.

And I've been doing it ever since. I have claimed that as my spot. And I don't always go there when I'm struggling with insecurity, but I go there or pass by there and see those three lights every morning, to be reminded of the conversation I had with my friend, but also of the faithfulness of God.

{*HOLD UP!: There was one night when I went to my spot and those three lights weren't shining and I was FREAKING OUT. Bria claims that I wasn't looking in the right spot, but I think I'd remember where those lights were! Still had a great experience, though, despite the missing lights!}

And after that night, the next day I was encouraged, but still internally struggling a little with my appearance. And as I went on throughout my day, four people came up to me and told me that I looked beautiful today or that they loved how pretty my hair is. Normally, I get that maybe once or twice in a day. But four times?! That's WAY too many times for it to be a coincidence. And I give God the honor and glory for that. 

It just floors me how faithful and loving God is. He knew that I was still kind of struggling with my appearance that day and that it would take some verbal encouragement for me to realize that it wasn't just my close friends who thought I was beautiful inside and out. The fact that He cares enough about that small thing in my life that I needed? I just don't deserve such love and I am yet again, HUMBLED. 

{*HOLD UP! #2: have you noticed that my spirit's been served a HUGE SLICE OF HUMBLE PIE? I know it's not what is usually meant by the phrase, "I've been served a huge slice of humble pie," but that's what it's meant for me these past couple of months and it's just been so great! :D}

Then, the next couple of weeks were just stressful because of SCHOOL! Throughout my social and spiritual struggles, I still had school to deal with! AHH!!!

And I will admit, I made some poor choices when it came to choosing school or social life or school and sleep. But this weekend, I have made a HUGE step in that I finished ALL of my homework for tomorrow yesterday (Saturday) and I am being kept accountable for my Sabbath by my RA A.K. So today I've been "SABBATHIN'!", and it's been TOTALLY AWESOME because now I get time to catch up with you all! YAY!!! \(^^)/

...wow.

I think I caught y'all up on everything! Now granted, I didn't give y'all details about events that have happened like Mountain Affair (a MAJOR talent show here that a lot of my friends were in, and that I stayed in line for 6 hours to see. It was awesome), Burning at the Stage (okay, I stayed for like, 30 minutes because I had a psych test (the next day. So I wouldn't have had much to tell ya there...), Jazz on the Overlook (I have officially declared this my favorite event of the year! I love to dance around with my friends and eat dessert! :D), and Homecoming (I only went to the Varsity guys soccer game [which we won! 5-1!] and the fireworks [which were amazing as well! Great little moment with some of my closest friends!]). 

And so, after I finish this post, I will probably go get ready to head over to a fellow Balconite's home for dinner and then after that, I'm going to my friend's house for her birthday and we're going to watch the Season 4 premiere of The Walking Dead!!!!! I am SO. PUMPED.

So, yeah guys! Hopefully if my Sabbathin' schedule goes well, I'll be able to keep up with my blog more often! But I wanna give a SHOUT-OUT to all those faithful readers out there who have continued to check in on my blog to see if anything new's been put up! You have NO IDEA how much I appreciate y'all! 

In fact, here's a *BIG HUG* from me to you!: 

(>^^)>        *<3 <3 <3*

I love you all!!!!! I hope these past couple of months have been great and that God's blessed you, not by an easy-going school year or a series of perfect days, but by constantly showing you His deep, deep love and grace through hard lessons and trials (not saying that I wish trials on anyone, but they will inevitably come into our lives, and it's better to think of them as a way to get closer to our Heavenly Father than "curses" or other pessimistic things!)

And I hope this post wasn't all over the place. Like I said, I'll try my best to be more consistent! But my friends weren't kidding when they said sophomore year of college was one of the hardest and busiest years! (^o^)

You all are WONDERFUL and SUCH A BLESSING TO ME!!! 

LOVE Y'ALL!
*~.Mishy.~* (^^) <3