"I am finally back at Covenant and am ready to face the toughest of it all! No class is going to discourage me despite the amount of homework the professor assigns and no matter how difficult the assignments may be! No paper is going to tear at my English major-ness and make me fall apart! No Chartwells food is going to give me a pessimistic attitude! And 2AM bedtime is OUT OF THE QUESTION!!!..."
Yeah, see, this is what I WISH I felt right now. I mean, okay, I'll give myself a little credit:
...I kind of feel this way. There. Credit.
...I kind of feel this way. There. Credit.
Haha, but seriously...
I really am ready for this semester. Sure, Concepts in Math is kinda scary (today's class was easy though!) and whenever I think of Spanish 102, my stomach starts to drop. And when I realize that I need to read for Old Testament EVERY DAY and I have a paper due in about a month that I need to start...it gets pretty overwhelming.
Just last night my heart was completely heavy. And it wasn't just the homework that caused this. A close friend of mine--a brother-in-Christ--decided to not come back this semester, and God was just laying him on my heart so heavily that every time I thought about him I just had to stop doing my homework, stare off into space, and think about the memories we'd shared last semester and wonder why God would allow this to happen.
I tried to remember what my friend had said: that God placed people in our lives and took people out as we needed them. Even if he had not left this semester, he would eventually leave after 2 years because Covenant only offers pre-nursing. So he would have to transfer schools.
"Maybe," he had said one night, "when I leave, you won't need me anymore."
I wasn't so sure. I mean, I wasn't totally dependent on my friend; but he was one of those people that I could text: "I NEED A HUG." to and he would immediately ask where we could meet and when we did, he'd give me the biggest bear hug and just pray over me and encourage me.
I tried to remember what my friend had said: that God placed people in our lives and took people out as we needed them. Even if he had not left this semester, he would eventually leave after 2 years because Covenant only offers pre-nursing. So he would have to transfer schools.
"Maybe," he had said one night, "when I leave, you won't need me anymore."
I wasn't so sure. I mean, I wasn't totally dependent on my friend; but he was one of those people that I could text: "I NEED A HUG." to and he would immediately ask where we could meet and when we did, he'd give me the biggest bear hug and just pray over me and encourage me.
I thought of the many times he'd encouraged me and I encouraged him and my heart hurt even more. God showed up so many times and opened our eyes to Who He is. He gave us so many hilarious memories as well. And now, my friend wouldn't be physically there all the time.
But, as always, God just continues to be my Hope and Strength in times like this.
Even before this, as I did my math homework, I couldn't help but feel the horrible feeling of stupidity creep into my mind. Yep. I felt stupid. Because I have always struggled in math and that day it was no different. But my Bible lay near my math book so I just grabbed it, threw it open, and looked for verses that had to deal with "strength." Because I knew I was completely weak, but in that weakness, God is strong.
Psalm 18 completely just BLEW ME AWAY. TOTALLY what I needed to hear from my Strength, my Hope, my Rock! Here are a couple of verses from it that immediately pierced my heart and overwhelmed me with peace:
1 I love you, Lord. You are my strength.
2 The Lord is my Rock, my protection, my Savior. My God is my Rock. I can run to Him for safety. He is my shield and my saving strength, my defender.
It just continues, saying how the "ropes of death wrapped around me" and how the Lord was truly angry that such things would even dare touch His Child. To be honest, I didn't even finish reading the chapter yet, but I will DEFINITELY be continuing when I am discouraged again!
Not only did God speak through Psalm 18, but He also spoke through Professor Ward during the first chapel on Wednesday. Now, usually I sleep during chapel. The first few weeks of last semester, I would nod off and TRY MY BEST to stay awake during the entire thing, but would always end up falling asleep and waking up as soon as the speaker said, "Let's pray..." to dismiss us. (^^')
But this time was different. This time, I stayed awake, and I am so glad God sustained my tired body through it! For Professor Ward spoke about the "dragons" in our lives that we fear, and how we don't have to because Jesus is bigger than all of our "dragons."
You BEST BELIEVE that I have "dragons"! Math, Spanish, fear of failure, and THIS ENTIRE SEMESTER to name a few...
But Jesus is SO MUCH BIGGER and WAY MORE POWERFUL than those "dragons" I fear. I believe in such an AMAZING, WONDERFUL, GRACIOUS GOD Who LOVES AND CARES FOR ME SOOOO DEEPLY. He cares about the little things and the BIG things that my life entails. And that is SUCH GREAT LOVE.
God has surrounded me with SO MANY PEOPLE that are just a blessing to me!!! "The fam." obviously (US. TRUST.) is such a HUGE BLESSING, but I have come to realize over the break and it has been proven to me even now how the girls on my hall have touched my life. We go through the same struggles and even if the struggles are different, we are there to pray for each other and to pour our heart out to each other and comfort each other.
And sure, I still miss my friend. Thankfully he'll be back on campus every once in a while so I'll still get to see him. But I do realize that God has given me more people to encourage me, even as my friend is absent.
But I must always remember that God is my ULTIMATE COMFORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT. And as I go through this semester with my ups and downs, He is with me always. He will never let me go.
And so I hold on tightly to Him as I walk through this journey of life.
WORLD: BRING IT ON!
SO MUCH LOVE TO Y'ALL!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 (^^)
*SUGGESTED SONGS:
- "Stand" by Britt Nicole
- "The Sun is Rising" by Britt Nicole
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