A Broken Vessel

Insight, inspiration, peace, joy...

I picked up my Bible and devotional book Jesus Calling for the first time in days (maybe even a week). I had been so busy with the Christmas holiday, family, and friends, that I felt that I didn't have time. Such a horrible decision on my part. If I had time for all of those things, surely I had time for God.

I was feeling discouraged yet again. There was just so much going on in my life, so much I was thinking about and wanting to do, but I felt like I couldn't do any of it, that nothing great could ever come out of me. I was so fed up of trying to get stuff done, but not progressing, and I was just ready to go back to school and start my semester back up and see my Covenant family.

But last night, I realized that I wasn't ready. Not spiritually or mentally. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without feeling inadequate. I felt like I wasn't good enough, that I would never be good enough. Well, last night, I realized that I was right. I wasn't good enough and I never would be. 

But GOD is good enough, and He ALWAYS will be.

I read like 3 devos because I don't know why. But I did as soon as I read them...I needed to read them. I had to hear what God had for me. Can't help but write out exactly what they said!

Jesus Calling, December 27

I AM PREPARING YOU for what is on the road ahead, just around the bend. Take time to be still in My Presence so that i can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with Me. So many people think that time spent with me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their won strength--until that becomes depleted. Then they either cry out to Me for help or turn away in bitterness.

How much better it is to walk close to Me, depending on My strength and trusting me in every situation. If you live in this way, you will do less but accomplish far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect Me to the watching world.

WOW. Totally needed it. I mean, this devo covered time apart from God...yeah, that would relate to me. And the result of it: living and working in my own strength until it becomes depleted...no wonder I was so discouraged and felt so inadequate!

And yes...it is WAY BETTER to walk closer to Jesus, depending on Him and trusting Him with everything. 

Jesus Calling, December 29

TRUST ME with every fiber of your being! What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me. One aspect of this is the degree to which you trust Me in a crisis or major decision. Some people fail miserably here, while others are at their best in tough times. Another aspect is even more telling: the constancy of your trust in Me. people who rely on Me in the midst of adversity may forget about me when life is flowing smoothly. Difficult times can jolt you into awareness of your need for Me, whereas smooth sailing can lull you into the stupor of self-sufficiency.

I care as much about your tiny trust-steps through daily life as about your dramatic leaps of faith. You may think that no one notices, but the One who is always beside you sees everything--and rejoices. Consistently trusting in Me is vital to flourishing in My Presence.

Ah. Peace is just sown through this devotional! I needed to hear God speak to me more than anything. And as soon as I read these devos and read my Bible, I felt the need to continue. I was so thirsty for God's truth! I needed to trust Him with every fiber of my being, because trusting in myself was obviously discouraging me!

I love this line: "What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me." Wow. That's definitely encouraging and a total "duh!" moment for me. I hadn't been trusting God with my life at all. I was trying to get by on my own strength.

It's amazing how God continually teaches you the same lessons over and over again, even after you think you've got it all figured out. But it's also amazing how He does it graciously and with love.

Those comparisons I had run through my head, those worries about my future, those feelings of inadequacy I had all halted as I read this last devo I'll share with y'all:

Jesus Calling, December 30

I AM LEADING YOU along a way that is uniquely right for you. The closer to Me you grow, the more fully you become your true self--the one I designed you to be. Because you are one of a kind, the path you are traveling with Me diverges increasingly from that of other people. However, in My mysterious wisdom and ways, I enable you to follow this solitary path while staying in close contact with others. In fact, the more completely you devote yourself to Me, the more freely you can love people.

Marvel at the beauty of a life intertwined with My Presence. Rejoice as we journey together in intimate communion. Enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me.

Such. Encouragement.

God is leading me along a way that is "uniquely right" for me! God will lead me on a certain path that is right for me, but will keep me in contact with others sort of on my path.

I need to "MARVEL at the beauty of a life intertwined with God's Presence."

"REJOICE as God and I journey together in intimate communion."

"ENJOY the adventure of finding myself through losing myself in God."

THIS IS INSANELY AMAZING!!!!

I was just so encouraged by God's Word last night. Not only was I encouraged, but God opened my eyes and inspired me with ideas that I knew could not have come from my own, fallen mind. God is so faithful, and He truly cares about our lives, even the small things.

2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. this shows that the great power is from God, not from us." (NCV)

This verse just inspired me so much. Like I said, my eyes were OPENED. I am a jar of clay, a broken vessel, that can do nothing but hold the "treasure," what God has planned for my life. I am unable to show His Light to this world unless He is in me and I have complete trust in Him.

AMAZING LINE in this devo: "Enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me." That's what I was so frustrated about. I couldn't find myself. I mean, I knew who I was. I knew I was a child of God. But who else was I? Was I really a writer? Was I really a musician? How could I be when I had nothing to show for it? I mean i could play and write just fine, but there were no solid accomplishments.

I have to lose myself in Jesus before I can find who I truly am. OH MY WORD SUCH AMAZING WORDS! Peace is just overcoming my heart!

As a new year approaches, I pray that my heart is continually in the right place as I seek God's Face and His Will for my life. I've said that phrase several times ("I pray that my heart is in continually in the right place as I seek God's Face...") on Facebook, Instagram, and now on this blog. But it's because I mean it. I am truly praying and continually yearning that my heart is in the right place and that God's Face will be sough out by me, wholeheartedly. And He has already revealed some amazing things to me, things that I am so excited to work on and grow in this year!

New Year's Day is in some hours. But who says it has to be a new year to start living all over again? Happy New Year! Love y'all and God bless y'all! (^^) <3