My Mission

"Humans need a mission that is BIGGER than us."

The quote above was said by my pastor two weeks ago after he had shown us this beautiful video he'd watched from his Facebook feed. The video portrayed a young Asian boy stealing from a pharmacy to have medicine for his sick mother. As the pharmacist threw the boy out and yelled at him, the man who owned a small restaurant across the street went over to them and paid the pharmacist the amount for the medicine the boy had stolen. He also asked his daughter to put some soup in a Styrofoam cup ,and he gave it to the boy, who ran away without saying even a thank you. 

Skip 30 years later...

The same man and his daughter are still working in their family owned restaurant, and the man is still giving food to the people who are in need. Suddenly, he has a heart attack and is placed in the hospital. His daughter is given the bills, and she is afraid she'll have to sell the restaurant her family has owned for years.

When she goes to visit her father, she receives a letter, and the letter explains that all of the hospital bills have been taken care of because of some medicine and a cup of soup given thirty years ago. The doctor was that little boy, thirty years ago.

Really heart-warming, right?

Pastor Ritchie explained that after watching that, we all feel like we need to get out there and do something. We all want a mission for our life. But that mission needs to be bigger than us.

When I heard the quote above, I began to think about my own life. Honestly, I've been feeling really comfortable with where I am. Sure, there are still difficulties in life, but there hasn't been anything that has shattered my world. And so, I'm comfy. I get up every day, go to my classes and work shifts, do my homework, have some "me time", go to Zumba or some other event that's scheduled, take a shower and go to bed. 

It's been a busy, but great few first weeks of my junior year in college, but despite my comfort, I feel so empty. And I've realized that it's because my mission is limited to myself. I do all I do in a day to survive so I can get to the next day, the next weekend, the next week. Not once have I stopped and thought, "Today, everything I'm going to do is going to be for God, and not for myself and my own comfort."

After talking with Bria, I am convinced that I need to challenge myself daily to do all I do that day to glorify God. Whether it's sitting in class and giving my full attention, listening instead of speaking when a friend needs to talk, or reading my shelves in the library, my main mission is to do all that I can to glorify God with what He's blessed me with. And that's is SO MUCH.

Also two weeks ago, our chaplain spoke a message that I definitely needed to hear.

Notice that there is something crucial missing in my list of things that I do during my day: spending time with the Lord. I know it's an important part of my life, but I always have that excuse: "I'm so busy."

Chaplain Lowe spoke today on us being sheep and Jesus being the shepherd, which most Christians have read in the Bible or heard in a sermon before. But what he said was so true, and it opened my eyes to a different perspective. We were reminded that, yes, we are to follow Jesus, our Shepherd, our Savior when He calls. But when He calls, do we listen? Do we know what the voice of our Savior sounds like?

Now, obviously, we cannot physically hear His voice, but even when we are making decisions and going about our day, can we hear Him? Chaplain Lowe said that the only way we can know His voice is if we know Him. And the only way you get to know someone is to spend time with them.

His message convicted me so much. One quote that struck me was this: "We cannot follow Him, if we do not know Him."

And I sat there in my desk (because we were in chapel overflow then in a classroom), asking myself, "Do I really know God? I haven't been spending time with Him every day, in fact, it's been a while. And even when I do spend time with Him, I feel like I haven't been fully paying attention. How am I supposed to know what His voice sounds like and know where He is leading me?"

Such deep questions I need to continue to ask myself on a daily basis. Lately, when I've been reading my Bible, I feel like I'm not getting anything out of it. Not that every time we read our Bible we should have some strong revelation or conviction, but I felt like I couldn't hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me. And it isn't God's fault, it's mine. My head has been so clouded with things I need to do, things I want to do, thoughts surrounding people and events and other things. I have truly not been focused on the Word at all. And that scares me so much.

I want to get back to where my focus was on what I needed to be focusing on. I feel like I've strayed so far from the voice of God that it isn't even a whisper to me anymore. And so, on top of dedicating my days to living them for the Lord and not for myself, I am wanting to just sit in silence with no distractions (phone, school work, etc.), and I just want to read my Bible and focus on God. Because He is worth the time I have. I should be excited to get to know my Heavenly Father more. And yet I see reading my Bible as some type of chore or as a thing I do very first thing in the morning at breakfast because it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

It shouldn't be a forced thing.

I want to get to know God so that I can know His voice, so when He calls me to do something I will do it and I will do it for His glory and not for my own personal gain here on earth. 

My mission is going to be bigger than me. And I challenge you to have a mission that is bigger than you!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Do y'all remember that movie with Lindsay Lohan, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? I have never watched it, but I have watched the "Drama Queen (That Girl)" music video that played on Disney Channel before! 

Anyways, I don't know about you guys, but when I get stressed out, I get STRESSED OUT.

Seriously, I wasn't really aware of how negative, frustrated, and honestly annoying I become when I get stressed out until recently. I can only shake my head in shame, embarrassed that my friends and family have had to deal with my unacceptable attitude for so long. And I am so sorry for all of the times I've been like that (and there are many times, especially during the school year, because college is sometimes just flat out stressful, ya know?).

When Bria moved in about a week ago, she gave me a dark blue focus stone that had the word PEACE written on it. She explained to me that she gave me this stone because she knew that when I get stressed out, I tended to freak out and have unrealistic thoughts about how impossible life was and such.

I'll be honest - when she told me that, I was grateful for the stone and I knew that what she said was the truth (because Bria does nothing but tell it like it is, just like Caylin), but my pride got in the way of truly seeing the monster I was capable of becoming.

I thought to myself: Freak out? I mean, sure, I did that my first semester sophomore year, but I've gotten better since then. My life isn't easy, but I think I handle stress all right.

Haha, those of you who know me personally and read that above sentence probably laughed and thought of a recent instance when I freaked out and you had to calm me down or got annoyed with me for being so dramatic. But that was my pride overtaking my mind, thinking that I had my emotions and such all together, when really, I'm still a mess.

Last night, I was talking to Bria and Taylor about a frustrating situation I was going to have to deal with in the upcoming weeks. With school starting tomorrow, plus work study, and everything else involved in that, I was stressed out that this certain situation was even happening to me. The frustration rose within me, and I thought of all the horrible things that would encompass this bump in the road on my journey this school year.

And as I spoke to them, I could see this look on their faces - it was the same look that kinda looked like fear. Now, I knew they weren't afraid of me...I wasn't going to start throwing stuff or anything. But they knew that when I got frustrated and stressed out, I just wasn't myself. I would trade my positive lens that I had for the world for a negative one, and only see the negative things that occurred in my life. And my friends were fearful of me doing that (at least, that's the vibe I got).

So, Bria, Taylor, and I prayed together last night - about this school year, the new students, the returning students, our hall, Caylin, and our own personal requests. As Taylor lifted up my stressful situation, I realized how big of a deal I was making it when really, it was just a small "detour" I had to take in the road of life. Of course, it was kind of inconvenient and a tad bit frustrating, but it wasn't destroying my world.

And here I am, sitting here writing this post and thinking about how I reacted last night and completely embarrassed that I even have the reputation to freak out over such small things. What an awakening to me. My friends have mentioned my freak outs to me before, but I would just brush it off, thinking they were blowing things out of proportion or just joking around with me to try to get a rise out of me.

But now, I see it as a major problem. I claim to have faith in Jesus Christ, who overcame death and saved me from my sins, and yet, when I go through hard times, I throw a fit and look at nothing but negativity. I've been given so much but am totally blind to it when something tough comes my way. And I am nothing but ashamed and repentant of my actions and attitudes to lean more toward panic than trust.

So along with my "learning to love people the way Christ loves me" goal this year, I am going to be praying that the Lord gives me the wisdom to depend on Him when things don't go the way I plan them to. This is going to be really difficult for me, I already know. But if I can live out 1 Peter 5:7 ("Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.") in my daily life, going through the hard process of learning will totally be worth it. I know that because I'm human, I'm going to slip up and get stressed out to the point of freaking out again at some point. But I want to grow in trusting my Savior with EVERYTHING.

In conclusion, I'm going to tell you of two songs I listen to when I get stressed out. They remind me of who God is and how much I can trust Him. They're "Well, All Right" and "I Am" by CeCe Winans. I've probably already mentioned these songs before, but just to recap: They are really old songs (I can remember listening to them when I was in like kindergarten), but now that I am older, I can understand the meaning of them and apply them to my life. And it is so beautiful to be reminded that God is "I Am" and He is "all that I need."

And so, I will begin my junior year tomorrow with the first day of classes, clinging to the hope that I have in Christ and fully letting go of whatever is bothering me, worrying me, or stressing me out. And also realizing that I cannot do this alone, but am in full need of the Holy Spirit to do this through me.

Love you guys! Hope to continue blogging during the school year, but there's no guarantee since college is always so busy! But please, feel free to meet me here and email me {use the Contact Me! forum on the right side of this page. It's near the top!} and ask how I'm doing! I should have time to write out a reply for ya! :)

luv ya!
~ Mishy (^^) <3