My Life is not Mine: Holding my Father's Hand

As I type this, it's hard for me to hold back my tears. It feels as if a weight is on my chest and it won't come off. As much as I know that there is only One Solution to my problems, my worries, I can't help but dwell on them and constantly sigh and shake my head. 

My frustrations have been constantly whirring in my head as I try to focus on studying for my Spanish final. I can't get a B on this one. I need an A. God knows how badly I need an A.

There's been so much truth spoken to me about this situation. 

"It's going to be okay."
"You can do it."
"Don't let this get you down."
"I'm not upset about it. I don't give a crap about it. You're the one who's really upset. Don't worry about it and don't give up."
"You've grown into such an amazing lady. Don't let this stop you from blossoming."
"If God wants you to stay here, then He's going to have a way for you to stay here."
"Yeah, if God wants you here, then you'll stay here. If not, then you wouldn't want to be here since it's not His will."

So many truths in one day. I know I should listen to all of them, but it's so hard for me to let go of my anger and frustration at myself. This whole thing makes me feel like I wasn't good enough, didn't try hard enough, or made mistakes along the way that I could've avoided.

But now, it's too late. I can't do anything to change what's already happened. I can only concern myself with what will happen in the future.

As I sat in my room, my heart still stirring about what will happen in the future, Jeremy Camp's album Reckless is playing in the background. My eyes scan over my laptop screen, my stomach cringing at the numbers and letters I'm seeing. Final Grade. Attempted. Earned. GPA. I even go back and look at my past achievements in these areas...or as my mind would call them, un-achievements, since it looks as if I didn't do what I could.

Suddenly, Jeremy Camp sings "My life's Yours, it is not mine.."

And that's when I started typing this. Do I still feel my stomach churning, my heart sinking, my eyes sore from all the tears that have been poured out already? Of course I do. 

But even through all of my worries and struggles and pain, I need to remember that my life is not mine. I am not here on this earth to live for myself. In fact, the only reason why I can do any good on this earth is because I have the Holy Spirit within me. Without Him, I am unable to give God the glory for allowing His Grace and Mercy to permeate my life.

And my family and friends are right. I shouldn't let this defeat me. I'm still in this fight, and I'm going to give it all I've got. God has given me these last opportunities to do my best, and I'm going to take them.

God will provide a way if it is His will that I stay where I'm at. And if God doesn't want me where I am right now and He takes me away somewhere else, so be it. Because that is His will, and it's what's best for my life. I shouldn't be worried about that. I want the best that God has for me!

My life is His. It isn't mine. And I'm going to continue holding my Father's hand as I finish this week off and wait patiently for what He does. And what happens, happens. And I will praise and glorify God no matter what. For He is always good. He doesn't seek to harm or hurt me. He wants what is best for me. And I trust that it will happen.

Here's another one of Jeremy Camp's songs that just really encouraged me and reminded me who my God is. <3

"My God"

by Jeremy Camp

Verse 1: All of who You are, reaches the darkest parts

             Lifting the weight and erasing the scars that had a hold on me

             Here I am, bearing all, tearing down every wall

             So amazed by Your grace, and the way You're still holding me

             Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

CHORUS: My God, You are, the unchanging Love

              My God, Your heart, send hope from above.

              The Great Creator, Beautiful Savior

              I've been redeemed.

              There is life now from Your victory.

              You are my God (You are my God)

Verse 2: There is no other one, who's given a greater love

             Laying aside His own life on the cross

             Reaching out to us

             Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

CHORUS

Bridge: When my hope starts fading out

            You are where my strength is found

            I know I won't be alone

            My God, You are a beautiful love

            My God, You are a beautiful love

            My God, You are a beautiful love

            My God, you are a beautiful love

I just heard another Jeremy Camp song that just really reflected my willing heart to not make a move without my Abba Father by my side. So good.

"Without You"

by Jeremy Camp

Verse 1: I'll walk beside You

             As You lead me through still waters for my soul

             I place my hope in all You are, yeah

             And i know You'll guide me

             To places where there's beauty to behold

             There's no other place I'd rather be, no.

             Cause I've been down the other road

             Where fear and doubt

             They take control

             And I won't go there anymore.

CHORUS: And I won't make a move, without You, whoa

              I won't make a move, without You, right by my side

              So I will wait for You, to lead me to,

              Any place where You need

              I won't make a move, without You.

              Without You.

Verse 2: I've walked through the fire

             And every step You never left my side

             In You is where my help comes from, yeah

             Cause You lead, I'll follow

             No matter if the place it seems so cold

             My heart's desire is You Lord, yeah

             And I've been down the other road,

             Where fear and doubt

             They take control

             And I won't go there anymore

CHORUS

Bridge: And I'm letting go

           I give You control

           It's not my will

           But Yours I'll follow

           And I lay my life

           Down at Your feet

           And I know...

CHORUS

           Take my heart, it's Yours

           Your hand, I'll hold

           You lead, I'll go

           And I won't make a move, no.

So amazing how our exact thoughts and feelings can be expressed through music.

Love y'all

(^^) <3

babysitting.

I look out of the window, amazed at the awesome view of, not only flowered trees and green leaves, but also of the mountains in the distance. The gray clouds have somewhat disappeared, and a hint of blue sky is making an appearance just before the sun sets. 

In the background of Taylor Swift's "22," I hear the voices of two little ones: one a boy, the other a girl. I wonder what they're talking about. They seem to be in deep conversation with each other, probably trying as hard as they can to stay awake past their bedtime since it still looks like daylight outside, even though it is truly 8pm.

I will admit, when I was texted earlier this morning about babysitting, I said "yes" in a heartbeat. But after hours of cleaning up my room and scrambling up and down the hall vacuuming and making sure everyone's stuff was out of the hall in order to do so, I crashed onto my bed and slept for an hour and a half, regretting my agreement to such a thing.

The mountain was still covered in fog on the way to my destination, and I was greeted by a very hyper golden retriever and the two small ones, ready to show me all the new toys they'd gotten since we'd last seen each other. And in that moment, I knew I had made a great decision. 

Sure, there are those times when babysitting is just a hassle. The kids don't listen, they wreck the house up, they try to hide from you when they don't want to eat their dinner, they disagree with each other and hit each other and you're called the bad guy when timeouts have to be given. 

But there are also those rare cases such as these:

1. You leave the room for, like, 2 seconds and hear one of them start crying. You rush back, thinking they've gotten hurt or they've been hitting each other and one of them has gotten hurt, or the giant dog has decided to tackle one of them. When you ask, "What's wrong? What happened?", she looks up all teary eyed and asks, "WHERE WERE YOU?!" You sigh, but with a smile. Because yes, it was a little dramatic that she started crying after you left for 2 seconds, but at the same time, it was so adorable and it warmed your heart to know that she missed you for those 2 seconds.
2. You're watching the kids play in the bathtub and hear the dog barking, asking to be let out. You walk over, only to find remnants of a napkin and macaroni noodles on the ground, the dog looking at you all innocently from the back door. You think about why there are pieces of napkin on the ground as you let the dog out, and it dawns on you: THE DOG HAD EATEN THE MAC N CHEESE AND THE NAPKIN IT WAS WRAPPED IN THAT YOU'D THROWN INTO THE TRASH CAN. And you just shake your head.

Without these kind of scenarios, babysitting would be boring. Sure, it'd be easier, but it's always good to have your world shaken up by kids and animals, especially when you're a college student who rarely interacts with such things. 

I don't think I wasted my Saturday night. It was so great to see these kids that I'd been babysitting since the summer time grow physically, spiritually, and mentally. 

Four more hours to go! The kids are in bed, the dog's sleeping at my feet, and I've got a packet of Coldstone Creamery hot cocoa calling my name! Bout to go drink summa that! YUM! :D

Not to mention...

ONE. MORE. WEEK.

TWO. MORE. FINALS.

HOME. SWEET. HOME.

Yes, I love Covenant and I love all the friendships I've made and all the good times I've had. But it's about time to taste Mom's sweet tea and eat some spam, white rice, and green beans! Cannot wait! Summer 2013, COME QUICKLY!!!

LOVE Y'ALL!!! <3

*~.Mishy.~* (^^)

Contentment: Something I Desire

This past week has been great, despite how late I've been staying up these past few days. Last couple of weeks of freshman year in college will do that to ya. But I've had such great interactions with my friends, having lunch/dinner/Starbucks dates with several of them, working out with my best friend, and staying up until 2am at the Yellow Deli with a few other people (oh boy, never again :P. That's probably a lie though...).

I've been through so many changes this year, as I've mentioned before. I'm definitely not who I was when I was in high school. There's been so much growth and change in me and in my friends. God has been so gracious to open our eyes and to teach us so many things. Sometimes it took trials to get our attention and to turn us back toward Him, but I am thankful that we have that option: to run back into His arms and ask for forgiveness.

Well, lately, I've been struggling with contentment, mostly relating to me being single. Yes, I know, "I'm only eighteen" and "I'm only going to be a sophomore in college." "I have my WHOLE life ahead of me," many people say, and "I should just enjoy being single because that's where the good life is at."

I've heard all of this said to me many a time, and after some situations that have happened to me, I agree with it. Yeah, it's easy to be single. I don't have to wonder where my boyfriend is, who he is with, what he's doing, if he's going to text me like he said he would, and I don't have issues of balancing spending time with him and spending time with my friends. I'm living the simple, single life: I worry about where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm going to hang out with. 

But dang...the single life is not only simple...but lonely. I mean, I'm not saying that I'm completely lonely because shoot, I have God, I have my friends, I have my family. But even though I'm having a great time with all of them, I can't help but wonder and imagine what it would be like to have a significant other in my life. I think of what he might look like, how he might act, all the sweet things he could say to me. I think of where and when we'd meet and how we would become friends and slowly realize that there's more than just a friendship we have. 

It's just been a struggle. I look at all the friends that I have who are in relationships and there seems to be so much joy there. So many smiles, laughs, sweet gestures...I'd love to have all of those things.

I'm not saying that I think being in a relationship is the basis of my joy, but I can't help but think that I'd be even more joyful if I had a boyfriend, someone who loved me for me.

Through the struggle, though, there's been such encouragement.

Say, "Aaaahh..."

I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning. I usually hate the dentist: all the tools they put in your mouth, sometimes the weird tasting toothpaste, and the nurse and dentist always asking you questions as they're all up in your mouth and expecting an answer from you. ("So, how've you been lately?" "Aahh beeh gooh." "I'm sorry, what was that?" "Aahh beeh gooh!" REALLY?! How do you expect us to answer if your fingers are pressing my tongue down?!) 

But yesterday completely changed my outlook on going to the dentist.

I'd gone to my first appointment to this new dentist last October and the nurse I had then (Leah) was so sweet. She didn't make things awkward; she was actually interested in my life, but didn't ask me questions when her hands or her tools where in my mouth; and she was so talkative and open about her life, and I LOVED hearing about pieces of her story. So great.

So, in October, we talked about me going to Covenant, some of the boys that went there and how they were cute, her dog, how she loves to run, my major, what I want to do with my life after college, her church, my church, I mean the  topics switched so many times with such smooth transitions. Our conversation made me forget that I was at the dentist's office. We'd also talked about how she was 34-years-old and still single, but how she was content with it. She lived in a house on the mountain with her dogs, and she loved every moment of life being a nurse at the dentist office and running with her dogs when she got home. I absolutely loved her in the 20-30 minute time we had with each other.

Fast forward to yesterday. I stepped into her little room and hopped in her chair. I looked at her and vaguely remember seeing her before. But then she started talking and we remembered that we'd seen each other just 6 months before, and we relayed that so many things in both of our lives have changed. 

The main thing, though, that had changed in her life was that she had a boyfriend. I was so excited and curious as to how they met and when and where. So she relayed her story to me and I ate up every little detail and exclaimed how happy I was for her. 

What she said to me after telling me how great he was, how amazingly well they clicked, and how he always beats her at Words with Friends was along the lines of this: "Honey, I was perfectly content with being single. And then he just came along, we became good friends, and we've been together ever since."

That just totally encouraged me. She was content in being single...for 34 freakin years! I sat back as she cleaned my teeth and thought to myself, "Could I be content being single for that long? Was my heart capable of that?"

I thought it was so amazing how Leah wasn't even looking for a guy. She wasn't constantly trying to meet up with guys. She just lived her life, and at the right time and right place, God placed this guy in her life. It encouraged me to see that, even after that many years, hope of being in a relationship isn't hopeless, and if it's in God's perfect timing, it will be the perfect relationship! 

It made me think about what Pastor Frank said this past Sunday in church...

Matching Motives

Pastor Frank spoke about Hannah in 1 Samuel and how she so desperately wanted a child. She was being teased by her husband's other wife, Penninah, about not having children and it was probably a daily struggle to see all of Penninah's little ones running around. Elkanah, her husband, loved Hannah so much and gave her a double portion of the meat offering they gave every year because he knew she was barren. But despite the love of her husband, she was still unsatisfied.

Finally, Hannah fell on her knees and cried out to God for a son. She sobbed as she whispered her prayer aloud. God, if you give me a son, I promise I'll give him back to You all the days of his life! she whispered.

Pastor Frank pointed out that as soon as Hannah's motives matched God's motives, God moved. As soon as Hannah prayed her prayer and offered her burden to the Lord, He gave her a son, whom she did give back to the Lord like she promised.

That part of the message encouraged me so much. If I could just remember to daily surrender my heart and my capabilities and my troubles and worries to God and ask Him to help my motives match His, things will be so much greater. It doesn't mean God's going to give me a guy as soon as I do it, but I will be more patient and understanding as I wait for God's timing. Who knows how long it will take. For Leah it was 34 years. And she's happier than she's ever been now. So, daily praying that my motives will match God's motives is a great big step I need to take. 

And, of course, encouraging conversations with my friends has helped me sort out my feelings and thoughts through this struggle for contentment.

Starbucks is Where it's At!

I've been to Starbucks three times this week haha. Can't get enough java chip frapps and venti iced coffees! (^^) And so many encouraging things have been told to me as we've sat at corners in Starbucks and also after dates at Starbucks.

One of my friends made me realize that yes, there are good things about relationships, but there are also frustrations and struggles that go along with it. After hearing what she had to say about the problems that occurred in relationships occasionally, I was inspired to really start praying for people in relationships. Yes, I can be envious of those people because they have something that I don't have. But they go through different issues even in having a significant other, and it's hard, as I've been told. The focus shifted from me and how sad and lonely it is to be single to those who are in relationships and have good and bad moments. My ungratefulness got in the way of me praying for those who struggle in relationships. It's good to have my eyes opened to that and to really strive to care for and be happy for those people, despite my jealous heart sometimes.

Another friend of mine reminded me that our time and God's time are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Our time requires the here and now; we want what we want HERE AND NOW. God, on the other hand, has a specific and perfect plan, and He knows exactly when, where, and who will come along in our lives. He doesn't think, "On June 6th, 2013, at 4:21pm, Mishy will bump into this guy at the Walmart parking lot by accident..." although He does know if that is the scenario in which I will meet my future husband. 

My friend told me that He thinks of it more like, "In this particular moment in the span of this person's life is when this will happen."

It just brings me so much joy in remembering that God has something great for me in the future. My jealous and ungrateful heart do get in the way of me remembering that He knows all and that the only reason I have hope is because of Him.

I've had great times being single. So much joy, peace, and comfort in all of my moments. There are, however, still those moments of loneliness, jealousy, and hopelessness sprinkled throughout. But after learning so many things about relationships (the good, the bad, and the ugly); being encouraged by my friends and pastor; and just reminding myself that I need to daily pray for people in relationships, surrender my heart and mind and, well, EVERYTHING to God, and dwell on how good He is, and how good His will and plan for my life are as well.

Please pray as I strive for a content heart in this single life I'm living right now. Yes, I'll be praying for people in relationships, but I'll also be praying for those who are struggling just as I am to be content with what we have and who we have. Let us all lift one another up in this time of our lives, and also strive to have our motives match God's motives.

The weekend is practically HERE! I hope and pray that God will give you a restful weekend! I've got 4 days of classes left and FINAL EXAMS START NEXT FRIDAY. So crazy!

Hugs to all! (>^^)> Y'all are loved so much!!!!

LOVE Y'ALL!

*~.Mishy.~* (^^) <3

exhausted: a small piece of writing

My eyes move over my computer screen, but I'm barely comprehending what Shakespeare is trying to tell me about The Merchant of Venice. My sense of sight is beginning to dim as time passes by. Laptop lights and overhead lamps are the only light sources surrounding me and my fellow comrades, homies, PICs (Partners In Crime, to the laymen) as we read many articles, translate poems and songs, and try to figure out the probability of flipping three heads on three coins.

I've been under (as in, my giant blue headphones have been over my ears) for many hours now, either doing math homework or attempting to read Shakespeare. Every now and then, I can hear the tune of...

Oh, nevermind. Time to leave the Yellow Deli after a late night studying.

Well, that was a great time waster! :D :P Hehe.

Written April 17th at 1:30am in the Yellow Deli. 

FORGIVE. TRUST. GUARD.

You live and you learn. You think that you've let things go and moved on. Sure, there are still memories, still a little sting of hurt. But then you shake it off and remember that the lesson you learned was totally worth what you went through. You say you're ready to let go. You tell God that if He would just take away the person, the situation, the object, you'd be completely fine with it and you could even move on even more than you could now.

...but maybe you really aren't ready to let go. Maybe you're still holding onto that hope of the "maybe." Just maybe things will get better, maybe it was all a misunderstanding, maybe that person will wonder about you and come to realize how much hurt they caused you. Maybe they'll apologize. Maybe things will be better than they were. Maybe. 

Your parents, friends, and mentors tell you the obvious. Heck, you know the obvious. But you still want to keep that hope. Or maybe you're just angry and you won't let go because you want revenge. You want justice to be served. You want the person who hurt you to hurt as much as or even worse than they hurt you. You want them to pay.

...but there's something called FORGIVENESS.

Forgiveness isn't hateful. It doesn't seek revenge.  It doesn't make stomachs drop or hearts race when pieces of your past come walking right past you. It doesn't make you forget that a person is still a person, regardless of what they've done to you.

Forgiveness doesn't require burning bridges, but it doesn't mean running straight back into the path of the dangerous. It doesn't mean entrusting people and things as much as you did before or even trusting them anymore at all. It doesn't put hope in yourself, or in other people or things or situations. 

Forgiveness is FREEDOM. It's LETTING GO.

Despite knowing how much Jesus has forgiven me and knowing that He sacrificed Himself for me, I daily struggle with forgiving people. I feel as if I am somehow better than others, that I haven't sinned as great as someone else. I deceive myself into thinking that I'm not as rebellious, angry, jealous, or deceitful...

But I am. I am a rebel. I get very angry and jealous. And I do deceive. What gives me the right to point fingers at people and place all the blame on them and ask God that justice be served to them because they hurt me; they deceived me; they lied and abandoned me? I think they don't deserve grace. They deserve judgment.

And yet...I don't deserve grace. I deserve judgment. 

Bria, knowing the struggle I've been going through, said to me, "I want you to get to a point where you can see this person or remember the situation and not get angry, but acknowledge that, yes, you do have a past with this person, but that person is still a person, despite all of those things. It doesn't mean you have to be close friends with that person, but you need to let go. Release. Forgive."

So, last night was definitely very humbling for me. I prayed that God would change my heart and that He would give me a spirit of forgiveness, for I know that I am unworthy of forgiveness. I prayed that I would stop thinking of sins as big or small, but as sins in general. And I prayed that I would be able to remember my mistakes and not be bitter, angry, or seek revenge. But that I would see it as a time where God redeemed me and stayed by me throughout it all. I asked that He would continually give me peace about my past and show me grace.

I do regret my mistakes. I tell my friends that if I could go back in time and stop me from making the mistakes I did, I would. But I can't. What's done is done.

But I'm not going to let my mistakes define me and hold me back from living the life that God has planned for me. Despite my mistakes and sins, He still has a perfect plan for my life. And so, I am running to His arms, excited and waiting to see what He will do in my life next. 

FORGIVENESS is obviously a huge lesson I've learned through my past mistakes. But I've also learned 2 other lessons...

TRUST those who truly care for you. During my situation, I completely shut out God, my family, and my friends, the people who care about me the most.

I never sought God for counsel. I honestly didn't care if God were a part of this part of my life or not. I didn't really want my parents or my friends to know; I only told them situations that happened after the fact. I knew that what they had to say about the situation would be things I didn't want to hear. So I avoided talking to them about it as it was all happening. And that was stupid on my part. 

How could I not want my Savior and Redeemer to be a part of my life? He is the One Who has given me my life! I owe it all to Him! I am His servant, His child. He deserves all that I have to offer, which isn't much. But I give all I am to Him, anyway.

My parents and friends were so patient with me. They've been there for me when I've cried, complained, and been angry about my mistakes. They've hugged me and comforted me. And I've been so blessed by them. God has placed amazing people in my life to lift me up when I'm down. And I thank Him for that. 

"Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23). I've been so hurt. Deceived and abandoned. Yes, part of it was my fault, but I feel like it really could have been handled differently, even after everything fell apart. But all-in-all, I have learned that my heart is precious and valuable, and I have to guard it with all I can. This doesn't mean that I don't open up to people or that I become a hermit and that I never tell my feelings to anyone. But it does mean that I have to be cautious. I can't throw my emotions and time and effort into just anyone. It takes time to build relationships and to get to know people for who they really are. It also takes time to realize if you really do care for that person and if they really care about you. 

Also, I know that I am completely incapable of guarding my heart. God is the only One who can give me the wisdom and guidance to do that. And so, starting last night and continuing for the rest of my life, I will daily surrender my heart and my life to Him. For He is truly the only One who knows how to take care of it and repair it when it's damaged. 

My mistakes are in my past. They are a part of me now. They don't make my life story any more or less exciting or boring. They are to remind me of the lessons I learned and how I should hold to those lessons forever. 

God has been so gracious towards me. He has given me clarity, peace, comfort and closure through this entire situation I've been through. Through my friends and family, He has shown me these lessons of forgiveness, trust, and guarding. I couldn't have done any of this without Him or without them. 

I ask that you continually pray for me as I remember these lessons and daily surrender to God. Now may seem really easy, but I know that later, my feelings of anger and hurt will return and that it will get harder as I continue to trust God. 

Thank you all so much for reading. I hope that the lessons I've learned will touch your heart and maybe even cause you to re-evaluate your life. What/who do you place your hope in? Are you holding onto anger, jealousy, hate, revenge? Do you know the people who truly care for you, and are you willing to trust them and hear what they have to say about your situations and circumstances? 

And the big question: Are you trusting God to continually give you wisdom to guard your heart?

Have a great week! Praying for all of you!

LOVE Y'ALL!
*~.Mishy.~* (^^) <3

the great ACHOOOOO!!!!

The past week and a half has been just BEAUTIFUL. The sun's been shining, there's blue skies and white puffy clouds, the grass is greener than ever and the trees and flowers have bloomed...

...and if the trees and flowers have bloomed, that just means one thing...

...POLLEN.

The dreaded yellow dusty stuff that is pretty much EVERYWHERE since spring officially came. I haven't been taking my prescribed allergy medicine for about a year now, thinking that I was completely over my allergies. Yeah, kinda ridiculous since I'm allergic to like 15 types of trees, 4 types of grasses, dogs (even though I've been surrounded by dogs during the entire summer and my eyes haven't shed a tear...), and other things that I never knew I was allergic to. Fexofenadine is the best thing that's happened to me since then.

But then I stopped taking it. I never sneezed. My throat never itched. My eyes never watered. After two or three weeks of not taking it, I raised my arms to the skies and could hear the "Hallelujah Chorus" as I told myself that I was no longer in need of my meds. It was a miracle!

Fast forward to now and cue a throat so dry and itchy that I was losing my voice. Thankfully my eyes hadn't started pouring out waterfalls and I hadn't sneezed, but dang, after a few days of my throat bothering me, I finally had to go go Nurse Barb who diagnosed me with allergies. Apparently the pollen count is a whopping 1200. No wonder my throat was trying to get my attention...

And so now, I am extremely jealous of many people on this campus who can go outside, lay out in a hammock, play soccer, or just enjoy the sunny day without a hint of a sneeze. A couple of days ago, I couldn't go outside without feeling like my throat was inflamed and my whole head was heavy as a brick. :P Such a gross feeling.

Not to mention that every time I talk to someone, they look at me and ask, "Are you sick?" To which I reply with a sigh, "No. It's allergies."

I am fully aware that my eyes are puffy, my nose is stuffy, and my voice sounds like a man's. But I didn't realize it was all that obvious...sorry for being such a horrifying sight and scaring half of the campus. Puffy eyes are just the new look this spring, and I am ROCKIN' IT.

Not to mention, because of the crazy amount of schoolwork I've had to do, I've been going to bed at like 3 and 4am, giving me only 3-4 hours of sleep to go on the next day. Needless to say, my body just felt worse. So last night I got 9 hours of wonderful sleep. But I'm about ready to take another nap, just because my body is still trying to catch up from losing last week's sleep.

There are always some positive things that I'm thankful for...

1. Meds, Meds, Meds. I was kind of worried because Nurse Barb only gave me enough Claritin to last me a week. What would I do if my mom couldn't get my medicine in time and I ran out? Well thankfully, there are people on my hall who have allergies as well, and they've got Claritin and Benedryl all ready for me if I need it.
2. This is the air I breathe. Sure, my nose is a little stuffy, and my throat was itchy, but at least I could still breathe. 
3. It's on the way! My mom called me today and told me that she just sent my medicine and should be in next week. My giant, beautiful bottle of Fexofenadine is on its way here to Covenant to relieve me of my allergies. I will be ready to explore the outdoor world!!!
4. Hakuna Matata. Dr. Davis spoke in chapel today on worry and how we as humans continuously depend on ourselves for everything. With my allergies, classes finishing up, finals after that, and then having to pack up all of my stuff to go home, it's good to rely and depend on God, knowing He cares for me and won't fail me.

Y'all, I am so ready for the Pollen Relief Plan to begin: a pill a day will keep the sneezes, stuffy noses, and man voices away! (^^) And 'tis FRIDAY. Ready to take a Spanish test, work out, go to a musical, and hopefully go to bed early again. Sleep is so valuable these days...

Enjoy your day and your weekend! 

LOVE Y'ALL!
*~.Mishy.~* (^^) <3

So Close

Several things...

1. Read my friend Marinah's blog about Preview Weekend. Seriously. She's the best. And I'm just as excited about Preview Weekend as her because my family is coming as well (fingers crossed my sis is stayin in my room!) You can read Marinah's blog here: http://marinahboyles.wordpress.com/
2. I should be studying and not blogging. Jones' Old Testament test is tomorrow and there's a butt-load of material that I need to look over before then...wait, it's already "tomorrow" (12:06am, currently). And I still need to finish reading the book of Numbers...
3. There's like A MONTH of Freshman Year left. Yes. We've come so far. We've gotten used to Great Hall food (well, maybe...), challenging classes and assignments, awkward situations, crazy events, and we now know the "I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN!" chant to yell at all the sports events. But we will no longer be able to be the naive freshman who have no clue what's going on...we will have to be the sophomores who know what's up. Well, I think we can handle it. All I can say is, "SUMMER 2013 COME QUICKLY!"

Honestly y'all, I had a meltdown yesterday. I could see all of my assignments and tests piling up before me and I could just feel the tension of perfectionism rise in my chest. I wanted to do well in these last weeks. I needed to do well in these last weeks. And yet, I felt so behind on everything: works, assignments, studying, even cleaning my room!

You're probably thinking that I'm being so stupid for blogging and not studying right now, but honestly, I need a break. I've been staring at those StudyBlue notecards with the words "God" "covenant" and "outline for such and such book of the Bible" for way too long. Time for a little writing.

I called my parents with my frustrations of school. I was so done. I didn't want to do anything anymore. I just wanted to go home and enjoy the warm weather. I was tired (still am) and really just needed a "Pa hug" (my stepdad gives the best hugs for things like this!). 

But, as good parents should do, my parents encouraged me that these last weeks would fly by faster than I felt they would. Sure, I'd have to jump through more hoops ("assignments." ugh.), but as I jumped through them, I'd just be getting closer and closer to summer.

And Pa told me that it would be better for me to finish off well so summer is my reward than for me to do poorly and have the school "kick me out" for summer. 

After shedding a few frustrated tears, hearing my parents' advice, taking a few deep breaths, and asking God to seriously give me strength this last month of school, I could feel the confidence rise within me. And immediately I began working on my math project and got pretty far on it, I must say.

Covenant students, we're so close. SO CLOSE. Hang in there. And know that you're not in this alone. We have each other, but more importantly, we have a Savior Who cares about what we're going through. Yes, He even cares about the 2 tests, project, and paper you have due in one week. He is by your side through it all!

So, if you feel like a friend of yours is completely swamped or you know a classmate of yours is struggling to keep a grade up in a certain class, don't hesitate to encourage them! Let them know that we're all in this together (yes, I reluctantly just quoted High School Musical) and that we're gonna make it! :)

Well, sayonara! I gotta finish reading Numbers AND keep studying! Will this be my first all-nighter?

Hmmm...

LOVE Y'ALL!

*~.Mishy.~* (^^) <3